The Epic Garlic Explosion

I'm going to take a break from posting about my decorating progress to share a kitchen misadventure that happened this evening. I've recently discovered Pinterest through some friends of mine who don't want me to have a life, and my husband is reaping the benefits of every interesting recipe I come across on that accursed delightful website. Usually everything goes more or less according to plan, though I have to admit that I'm the messiest person in my circle of friendly acquaintances, and every time I make something I have to set aside five to ten minutes for clean up.

Today was different.

I put all the stuff together for the first step of the recipe and was getting ready to toss the ingredients and put the dish in the oven. I'll admit I was spacing out, not concentrating on the jar of minced garlic whose lid I was trying to screw on using only half my attention. Well, the jar of garlic didn't appreciate that, and decided to rebel. The spiteful thing leapt from my slippery hands and hit the ground, not breaking, but splattering everything in my kitchen with the force of a grenade going off.

I didn't even know what to do, I was horror-struck. It coated me from face to feet. I stood there with my eyes closed for about ten seconds, calmly waded to the sink, washed off my face, tossed the ingredients and put the dish in the oven. I then called my dear sweet husband into the kitchen and calmly told him to EFFING HELP ME CLEAN THIS UP BEFORE I START CRYING, PLEASE. That man is a champ, he didn't even laugh at me. He just grabbed the broom and started sweeping. I cleaned off the counter tops, the cabinet doors, the pots and pans... etc. I scrubbed the floor no less than four times. I had to do it four times because halfway through the third time my poor retarded black cat hauled ass slid around the kitchen like he was trying to run on melting ice. He's now afraid of the kitchen, I feel so bad. So I had to scrub a fourth time because he sheds when he's scared.

We got everything cleaned up, I finished the recipe, we ate dinner and watched a movie. We eventually went back to the scene of the bombing for some cookies and gooey newlywed chit-chat. And then we saw it. The husband glanced up for some reason, and with a quizzical expression, inquired, "Is that what I think it is?"

And it was.
It was a huge garlic splatter on the ceiling.